I have this friend whom we shall call “Lynn”. She intrigues me when it comes to love. Constantly, she would bring this topic up as her and her significant other would often get into fights. How they made it this long is curious. Lynn is a very devoted woman, possibly to the point where it makes her feel unappreciated at times. She works hard in her way towards a better future with her boyfriend as do I see him. Two people with many similarities but very different needs.
One day she confessed to me why they had so many fights. While he does have a humanitarian heart, he uses the internet to talk to other women. Apparently, he admits doing this for various reasons depending on how he is approached. He either does it to relieve stress or in frustration over Lynn when she is tired, frustrated, or cranky. The lack of communication is usually what is blamed.
After a long day of work, Lynn wants to come home and talk about it and share some quality time. However, the last thing he wants to hear is her worries or stresses of the day. Instead, of quality time, he wants alone time. Both of them have been making strong efforts along with research to regain trust and mend the gaps in their relationship so they could enjoy each other again. Unfortunately, Lynn still feels an immense amount of pressure to stay in a positive mood around him and giving him his space in fear of pushing him away again…
I had to stop the conversation. While she had equally pointed out the strength and weaknesses of both parties, that they have faith it will work out; I had to ask her why she found this relationship worth the fight?
And her response moved me…
When love exists you fight for it. Love is an action that rewards you with happiness, wholeness, and peace. Our relationship is a lush garden encroached of weeds. It’s easier to pull weeds and tend the flowers already blossomed, then to dig it all up and wait for new seeds to grow.
Love is so much associated with a feeling, that we do forget it is much more than that. Through my eyes, I see media showing more failed relationships than commemorating the successful. To act with love takes a strong will and stubborn determination. You have to accept the faults of yourself and your other half to appreciate that desire to grow closer together. You found a person who is willing to be your ‘gym partner’ in life. People don’t get buff at the gym by being lazy, they work hard. So, before you drop that barbell on your significant other’s head… look at the garden you both have sewn.
Jay Quigs 